Just Now

The child inside
Awaits
Snow days
Such as
These
Ebbing into
Just past full
Moonish.
Nights
So bright
The shadows
Beckon
Play

And so
I go
Into the night

Sleeping 'til Spring

I don’t sleep well….well, I don’t sleep. I wonder if it’s age
or just January. It’s always been a difficult month for me.
Bleak, gray days, the crescendo of the holiday season crashing,
and an anniversary that haunts me still. January in Tennessee
sucks for the most part; but I cajole myself. It’s a new century,
there has to be more, doors will open, despite those that have
closed. I try to be hopeful. I do. Still, it’s so fucking gray.
I slump into a slump. I miss my friends. I get lonely. I feel
lost…and I keep asking myself what comes next?
I’ve always been impatient. Never good at sit still and be
quiet or wait and see…I wanna know now. I like having a
plan or at least some idea. I’ve got a whole lot of no idea
just now…but if it wasn’t January, I suspect a whole lot of
not knowing might be okay.

So, I remind myself that it’s only a month ‘til the wildflowers break
through frozen ground. Spring springs, sky opens up to blue,
life sprouts daily and hope cascades

Spring is worth the waiting…and the wondering.

All About The Weather

Week before last everything was frozen. Solid.
Last week it was near 60 degrees and flooding.

Today it’s snowing.
Welcome to Tennessee.
I’m still learning how to survive out here. Learning how to
judge how much rain will flood me in; how much wood
it takes to keep the cabin warm in varying temperatures.
I ran out of wood. The wood man is finished for the season.
Green wood is useless…I’ve borrowed from my neighbor,
twice. Today I went to another neighbor for more…
Hopefully, I have enough to make it through ‘till next week.
Still, I have to find another reputable wood person. Someone
that will bring me seasoned wood. Single digits are forecast
for next week. I’ve filled all my water jugs because the feed
from the cistern will surely freeze; and the water heater is still
on the fritz.

The cat caught a mouse. He and the dog took turns playing
with it. The dog thinks he is a cat, I’m pretty sure. I don’t
know what I’d do with out them. They keep me company.
They make me laugh; and at night when I settle in, they all
snug up together beside me.

This is a slow time for catering so I haven’t had any work.
With no cash coming in, I was beginning to obsess, beginning
freak. As usual though, just as the outlook is dire, something
comes in…all will be well.

The landscape changes daily here in my paradise. There is
a constant source of wonder and amazement and just as I
begin to wonder what the hell I was thinking moving out
here, I remember….