Sleeping 'til Spring

I don’t sleep well….well, I don’t sleep. I wonder if it’s age
or just January. It’s always been a difficult month for me.
Bleak, gray days, the crescendo of the holiday season crashing,
and an anniversary that haunts me still. January in Tennessee
sucks for the most part; but I cajole myself. It’s a new century,
there has to be more, doors will open, despite those that have
closed. I try to be hopeful. I do. Still, it’s so fucking gray.
I slump into a slump. I miss my friends. I get lonely. I feel
lost…and I keep asking myself what comes next?
I’ve always been impatient. Never good at sit still and be
quiet or wait and see…I wanna know now. I like having a
plan or at least some idea. I’ve got a whole lot of no idea
just now…but if it wasn’t January, I suspect a whole lot of
not knowing might be okay.

So, I remind myself that it’s only a month ‘til the wildflowers break
through frozen ground. Spring springs, sky opens up to blue,
life sprouts daily and hope cascades

Spring is worth the waiting…and the wondering.